Dragon Core

January 19, 2010

So the name of this Chinese made computer processor sounds like the final form of the final boss in a video game after you’ve striped away its outer defenses of steel and chrome to find a digital dragon god sleeping in the scraps and then techno-classical music plays as the background fades into abstract fractal patterns and they you get to have a hardcore shootout with the dragon in a super-abstract hi-tech simulation or something.

And that’s exactly what will happen twenty years later when China’s Dragon Core technology gives its government full reign over Earth’s infoorbit. Only you, that’s right, you, who have spent all your live living in cyberspace and surfing stupid web pages can jack in and do battle with the technofirewalls the Dragon Cores erected around freedom and happiness. Only you can free America from the grips of the ancient dragon god manifested as a subpar processor created using stolen Western technology!

Bonus fact: Did you know that Pentium basically means “five”? What kind of lame name is that?

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